The life of an MP (part 2)

Part 2 First day at Parliament 

Alarm call from reception telling me that its 8 am and room service will bring my breakfast up at 8.15am and my suit has been dry cleaned not bad for service for £200 a night and just round the half a mile from parliament, good job I am claiming it on my expenses.

9am the car and driver to take me to parliament “not too happy about it it’s only a et Jaguar hope no one I no saw me in it I will be ridiculed at the country club”. I’m Looking forward to seen my second cousin not spoke for a few weeks she has been away for a few weeks on her yacht but she will be here today to open Parliament.

Arrive a Parliament been here loads of time to see my father at work so I know my way around the place but some plebe is insisting I need to have a work place induction and guided tour. Got an office with a view of the river, mummy was right if I gave a donation to her cousin David he would get me a good office “I like David nothing dodgy about him my office is very plush” on with induction tour.

Time for training then an hour of learning firstly an hour of learning how to say “here here” using the correct dull tone so as not sound egger or interested in what is been debated.  Secondly if you have to say anything always address other members correctly by calling them “my right honourable gentlemen” or “Mister Speaker”  Thirdly and most important thing to learn is to always have some sort of papers in your hand to wave around when you’re bored. These things are the most important things to do if you have to go into the chamber which will be a very rare event.

Next I’m given my MPs Manuel “great aunt Margret called this her Bible” I have sign a will not let anyone else see the Manuel as it’s a confidential document.  A quick look through it and its 200 pages of what I can claim for and 10 pages of what I can’t claim for and how to appeal if I claim for things I shouldn’t.

Next I meet my servants, a staff of five a personal assistant, sectary, administration assistant, a spin doctor (adviser) and my chauffer for my Jaguar. This is so cool I get to work with some of my friends and family every day.

Now off to see the part of Parliament I will spend the most of the day in the restaurants, bars and gentlemen’s private clubs. Michelin star quality food and drink all you can eat for £10 and you can claim it on your expenses.

I think I’m going like this job and wish I had come here straight after Eden. Instead of jetting around the world having fun for last ten years at mummy and daddy’s expense and the year I spent in that clinic will come in handy when dealing with other MPs as we all come from similar upbringing.