The life of an MP (part 1)

Part 1 newly elected 

Being an MP means you can live a life of never paying for anything yourself, you just claim it back on your expenses.  Need some milk for your tea just claim it, need sugar and a tea bags claim it. Need a cup to put it in claim it, need a kettle claim it and not got a new kitchen to make your cuppa in, just claim it on expenses about 10-15k will be fine.

Need to go round the corner to shop for your stuff for you tea, about 100-200 yards, just take the Bentley claim for the fuel. Oh no the Bentley needs a couple of tyres and a service, that’s alright just claim it back and give it a valet at the same time and claim it.

Get to the shop and buy what you need for that cup of tea and don’t forget to claim it. While there just add some other stuff to the shopping list, some bread, butter, eggs none of that supermarkets own brand crap, I’m not paying for it I will claim it. Oh well in that case just get some caviar, Lindell chocolates, champagne and a bottle of 20 year old malt because the £25 champagne mite taste like p### water.

Get to the checkout, you fancy the shop assistant so pluck up the courage to talk to her, when she tells you look smart in that suit (the one you bought from Harrods and clamed on the expenses).  Lay on the charm, tell her you’re an MP but leave without asking her out as you have no balls, don’t forget the receipt you’ll need it to claim it. As your putting the expensive shopping in the boot of the Bentley, you notice the shop assistant outside taking a break. As you put the trolley back she gives you a wee smile, you rush back inside the shop and buy some flowers (remembering the receipt so you can claim it) and ask her out.